i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
