I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
