cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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