It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
