My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dicks are not precious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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