In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
