I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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