i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
