no, he came in my armpit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
