I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize