I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
