Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
whose parrot is this?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
