i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
