If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
