explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
