Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
