I must be too annoying 4 u.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
