I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Boobs speak an international language.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
