good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
