Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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