He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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