Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
