im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
