I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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