we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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