Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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