She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize