I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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