his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
