You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation