Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser