great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct