I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize