I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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