I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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