I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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