eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
