if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
