I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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