Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
