So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
