I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
