Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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