sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
