whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
