i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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