Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
