Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
