I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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