direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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