Sry I called you an 8
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
