I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
