i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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