who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
