you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
