i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
