It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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