I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
