plz talk dirty to me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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