you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
