I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
