She's like a pop up book from hell.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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