Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
