Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize