I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
