Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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