this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
