He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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