I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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