Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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