He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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