do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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