I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
