I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
