So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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